My love life sucks.
I wish I could say that.
Weird? Well not so much since the prerequisite for saying THAT is the existence of a love life in the first place. A criteria that I most certainly do NOT fulfil.
Mostly when I have a lot of free time (never) or have been assigned something exceptionally boring (always), I like to speculate (procrastinate). I am sure I cannot be the only one obsessing over my love life. There are millions of other kindred souls out there.
But I would stick to homeground and would like to illustrate the romance life-cycle of a typical middle-class Indian girl with a reasonable amount of imagination and too much free time.
Stage 1: Yash Chopra and the works.
Age: 11-12
Subject drools over Raj/Rohit/Rahul ,the NRI, romancing Anjali/Tina/Pooja, the bubbly childhood friend-now-turned-lover against the lush greens and pristine white of snow-capped mountains in Switzerland.
Stage 2: "You like him no?"
Age: 13-16
Subject takes part in regular obsessive discussions with other similar subjects about the 'options' available (adolescent boys with pimply faces). Subject chooses an 'option' who is the closest approximation to the 'Raj' inside her head (mostly, a badly copied hairstyle, but I digress)
Having made the choice, subject daydreams ad nauseam about hypothetical romantic situations inspired from mills and boons and some more crappy bollywood movies. These daydreams ofcourse star the subject and her chosen 'option'.
Stage 3: The Valentine's Day Paradox
Age: 16-17
Subject, being a part of a bold and liberated society, decides to take matters in her own hand and let her chosen one know about her feelings.
This is ofcourse done by hiding behind walls, stalking and starting creepily at her chosen target in the weeks leading up to the Valentine's Day.
On the said day, the subject dresses up well, and hopes that the chosen boy would telepathically come to know about the subject's feelings and subsequently take the necessary action of asking her out through gifting a Cadbury chocolate.
Stage 4: To louuve or not to louuve
Age: 17-18
Case 1: Mission Accomplished
This state of ecstasy is experienced by the subject if on V-Day, everything goes indeed, as planned.
In this stage the subject and the target make a steady progress supported by elements like McDonald's, PVR and sometimes some eels-in-the-desert kissing.
Case 2: Mission Aborted
Most common scenario, in this stage subject retreats into a hibernating period consisting mostly of junk-food groups and a steady dosage of cheesy sitcoms peppered by regular telling offs from parent subjects. Side effects include Subject bloating like a balloon and looking like a reject from The-Blair-Witch-Project.
Stage 5: Final Destination
Age: 23-25
Subject has reached a max maturity level and is considered a marriagable subject.
In this stage, the subject has a useless degree, a job she doesn't like and a negative love-life ( case in point: stage 4 case 2)
Stage 6: The End
Age: 26-forever
Go back to stage 1.
Repeat all.
Thank You.
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